There Is A Form And A Deadline Coming

Neither of them has said it, but both of them are counting on it.

The form.

There will be a room, and a person with a clipboard or a screen, and a moment where a decision that two people have not been able to make together will simply have to be made, on the spot, by whoever speaks first, in front of a stranger.

And in some quiet unadmitted way, both of them are relying on that.

Because the deadline solves something that neither of them has been able to solve. It ends the conversation. It cannot be argued with. Nobody has to concede to the other one, because they will both be conceding to a clock, and conceding to a clock costs nothing.

I want to name that, because it is being done on purpose without either of them admitting it, and it will produce a result that neither of them will be pleased with.

Here is what actually happens in that room. One of them speaks. Usually the one who is not lying in a bed. And the other one, exhausted and in a moment they will remember for the rest of their lives, says nothing, because saying something in that room would be a scene.

And a decision that two people should have made will have been made by one person in about four seconds, and both of them will know it, and neither of them will ever say so.

That is worth avoiding, and there is time.

My times are in thy hand

There is a line in Psalm 31 that puts the calendar somewhere specific, and it is not in charge.

But I trusted in thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my God. My times are in thy hand. (Psalm 31:14-15, King James Version)

You are not handing this to a date, and Psalm 31:15 has never once put a person's times under a clock. The written word puts them in a hand, and the Holy Spirit is the one who makes that a relief to two people who have been quietly counting on a deadline.

Notice what the psalm does with the pressure. It does not remove the deadline. That psalm is written by somebody with enemies and a real timetable and genuine danger. The circumstances are not adjusted.

What changes is who is holding the times.

And that is exactly the correction needed here, because a deadline is not an authority. It is a date. It is not a third person in the marriage with a casting vote, though it has been treated as one since about September.

You have given a date a seat at the table, and Scripture puts the times in God's hand rather than in a calendar's. Psalm 31 keeps the danger and moves the holding, and the Spirit of God is the one who takes a false authority off two people.

What the deadline is doing for them

Now the honest part, because there is something being gained by this and it should be said plainly.

The deadline is doing a job for both of them, and the job is that it lets each of them avoid giving way.

If the clock decides, neither has to say to the other: all right, we will use yours. That sentence has become impossible in that house, because it has been implicitly agreed for two months that neither of them will be the one to say it.

And a person who cannot give way, and cannot bear to hold out either, will very reasonably arrange for something else to decide.

You are able to name what the clock is doing for you, and no verse anywhere asked two people to be settled by a date they did not choose. The Holy Spirit is the one who makes an unadmitted arrangement speakable, and Psalm 31:15 puts the times in a hand and not in a diary.

And here is what makes giving way possible again, which is the whole hinge of this.

Giving way is unbearable when it is a defeat. It is entirely bearable when it is a gift, and the difference between those two is almost always whether the other person knows what it cost.

A woman who says, I want yours, and I want you to know I really liked mine, has given a gift. A woman who says nothing and lets a clock run out has taken a defeat, and defeats leave residue for years.

You are permitted to give way out loud and let it be seen, and Scripture never once made yielding into losing. Psalm 31 says my times are in thy hand, and the Spirit of God is what turns a surrender into something given.

Three each, tonight, not in that room

So here is the assignment, and it has a deadline of its own, which is tonight rather than that room.

Each of you write three names down separately, then read all six out loud once.

Tonight, at a table, with nothing at stake and nobody in a bed and no stranger holding a clipboard.

Because everything about that room is wrong for this decision, and everything about a kitchen on an ordinary evening is right for it, and the only thing standing between the two is that one of them has to start.

You are able to move it out of that room tonight, and Psalm 31:15 has never once required a person to wait for a date to be forced. The written word puts the times in a hand, and the Holy Spirit is present at a table where two people take a thing back off a calendar.

All six read out, no reactions until every one is said, and then, if anything is going to be given, let it be given in words, out loud, so that it is seen.

And if nothing is settled tonight either, that is a completely different situation from the one they were in this morning, because it will be two people not having settled it rather than two people waiting for a clock to settle it for them.

You are taking it back from a date, and Scripture keeps the danger and changes who holds the times. The Spirit of God is with two people at a table with six words tonight, and Psalm 31 says I trusted in thee.